Preference: “a greater liking for one alternative over another or others”
Racism: “the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races”
I stumbled across this video a few days ago and it’s been playing on my thoughts ever since. As a “black guy”, I can’t say how many times I’ve been slapped in the face with this. Both from potential dates and from friends. I never quite understood racism; far less racism in the LGBT community. But as far as this video goes, it raises some important questions. Is having a racial preference necessarily prejudice? And when does a preference move from genuine adoration to deliberate exclusion due to racial features?
In my opinion, having a racial preference is no different to having a preference over what cereal to have for breakfast. Well, maybe not as cut and dry but you get the gist. As humans we’re naturally attracted to that which evokes something in our being. Something that just grabs your interest and you can’t help but pursue it. Although we might not be able to explain it in terms that others can understand, we like what we like and we know on some level exactly why we like what we like. And really, we shouldn’t be tasked to explain our preferences to the extent that racial attributes come into play. It’s belittling and unbecoming. Why not focus on aspects other than race?
But there’s a fine line between having a preference and being a pig headed racist. You see it while cruising online profiles and you hear it when kiki-ing with your friends at your local watering hole. It’s when you move beyond that initial catch of the eye to analyzing stereotypes you associate with that particular race. For example, I was out a bar a few weeks ago with some friends and a very polite, almost charming but dashing white guy (I hate resorting to racial descriptions but I’ll indulge for the purpose of this post) approached and started chatting me up. All was well until he said something that changed our
pleasant interaction into a dreadful exchange. “I’m really into black guys and BBC (big black cocks)” That phrase, or any variation of it, is a complete turn off for me. Am I to be grateful that you’re into black men? Is the only reason you came to me because of my skin colour and you assume that I’ve got a big dick? Needless to say that was the end of that. I’m a person with feelings, not just some black mandingo fantasy.
As soon as you verbalize it or even start thinking along those lines, it’s no longer just a preference; it’s a racially charged ulterior motive. And while some may be into that, it only sets us back as a community. Rejecting someone solely because of their race is sickening. Instead of saying “I’m not into blacks/asians/whites” why not try making a new friend or at the very least politely decline? I’d like to think we were raised better than that!
It might also be a good idea for us to stop using terms like rice queen, potato queen, bean queen, snow queen and dinge queen to name a few. It’s funny that we prefer to memorize these ridiculous terms and throw them around instead of coming up with ways to accept that we’re all different with different preferences.
So next time you’re out a bar or cruising profiles online, remember to exhibit some tact and don’t be a douche. Make the gay world a better place filled with love and unicorns and rainbows and hot men- whatever your type may be.